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Scenes Ruined by Mobile Telephones

A list of movies, or movie scenes, rendered moot or implausible if done at any time where mobile phones were available.

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Phone Booth: 2003 Directed by Joel Schumacher Starring: Colin Farrell and Keifer Sutherland

A simple and obvious one to kick things off. The neo-noir blockbuster from early noughties would today be the equivalent of making a movie about tripping over the cable attaching your remote control to the TV back then. A film called by some " a tense nail biter" and by others as "gussied up...not enough going for it". It is primarily simplistic premise divided audiences and critics alike. Up and coming eye-candy Colin Farrell was the big draw but as with Se7en, the main villain, the equally engrossing Keifer Sutherland (whose career was now re-ignited with the uber successful conceptual TV series 24) could not be heavily featured in marketing and promotional work due to the nature of his characters anonymity. An entertaining yarn, but not for the ages.

The Matrix: 1999. Directed by The Wachowski Bros, starring Keanu Reeve, Carrie-Ann Moss, Laurence Fishburne

They need to, on many occasions find a phone for their people to get out. In the computer-simulated alternative reality as they battled the "Agents" for the right to have sweaty sex-raves and live in squalor and filth with sick and starving hundreds at the gates of the city.

This is rather than the comfortable day-to-day existence humans virtually inhabit whilst we, in actuality physically remain no more than a dreaming food source for the race of machines since losing the war to them a la Skynet. Many times Neo, the reluctant hero, Trinity , the totally superfluous exposition and plot device, and Morpheus the man allergic to giving straight answers to sincere questions, chase around looking for phone booths as a phone line is required to return to the free world aboard the filthy ship wearing prison clothes and eating gruel 24/7.

They manage to snatch a mobile at one stage, however, now they would just use a bad of old 3210's from the car-boot down the carpark on Sunday and PAYG sim cards. Also finding inner-city phone booths that work, or rural ones that are not now converted defibrillator stations would prove problematic to say the least.

Mr Nice: 2010 Directed by Bernard Rose Starring Rhys Ifan, Chloe Sevigny and David Thewliss

The entertaining movie very, very loosely based on the eponymous book that is the Emperor's New Clothes of biographies. The story of likeable top drug-trafficker and organised crime kingpin Howard Marks. Take aside the fact the book is the most boring thing ever written, after a relatively interesting start just becomes an accounting exercise, but he smokes dope and likes The Super Furry Animals, so he must be okay. People forgetting that regardless of what drug it is, at that level, it makes no difference. Remember what happened to Kiki Camarena? That was over pot. The Robin Hood absurdity of this bloke who was rumoured to have had his daughter’s boyfriend killed (according to the Bangkok grapevine) has always hit a nerve with me. I do not buy it. The characters he dealt with and the position he held, nah. No sale.

The scene is one where a drug deal goes catastrophically wrong because every phone booth he went to had queues around the corner (a common site in even my early lifetime) yet in the last fifteen years it is an anachronistically voided idea unless you had Amish dealers. Now that would make a great movie!

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