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Twilight compared to Harry Potter...WTF

Updated: Dec 14, 2019

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There seems to be a popular resurgence in the Twilight movies at present. Fueled, I thought, by Robert Pattinson being cast as Batman and Kristen Stewart in the Charlies Angels re-imagining where she has actually been cited as the stand-out performance (Oh! That Film Blog 06.12.19)


However, according to an excellent article by Petrana Radulov of Polygon.com, it is down to a surge of Twilight memes across the internet. As you guess, they are often using it in a pejorative sense. Whatever the reason, we must remember the crimes that were committed in that series.


In the Potter series, there are many questionable lapses, logic-voids, and pretty much daft themes, but in contrast, there is splendid suspense and intrigue, deep and rich character-forming, and supremely structured stories. Twilight never gave us that so has to answer for its plentiful sins.


I guess you could say that no one has ever come up with a better set of passive/aggressive domestically dysfunctional sparkly/non-sparkly (director dependent) vampires that worked as well as the Cullen lot. It is not much. So this is the list of story-holes, continuity/logic errors, and plot mysteries that cannot be included in the allowed seepage quota.


10. Bella walks past an electric fan and flips off laws of Physics (Twilight)

In the scene where Bella Swan (Kristen Stewart) walks into the classroom to ultimately meet her future partner/unhealthy obsession Edward Cullen (Robert Pattinson), she walks past an electric fan blowing towards Edward. As she walks by, blocking the fan, all of the belongings on Edwards's desk rise from the air. The air that had just stopped blowing at them now that she was in front of the fan. The exact opposite of what should happen




9. Casual Violence(Twilight: New Moon)

We are supposed to root for Bella. This is very hard to do when, as a supposed role-model for young girls she reacts to a mild snigger from Jacob's ally Paul (who she has never met) by punching him! Reactionary violence as well as a terrible attitude problem and an apparent lack of nasal-breathing capabilities. Hard to feel empathy for someone who resorts to her fists at mild taunting in her vague direction. However, hold off on judgment as looking at the next two items on the list explains a lot. After all, both her parents were baddies from 24




8. Charlie/Dad (The Twilight series)

Bella's long-time absentee/borderline alcoholic father, Charlie Swan (played by Billy Burke). It is implied in later films in the series that he is a concerned and loving Dad. the evidence for this is even less present than the sight of him without a tall frosty one. First, when she arrives, in Twilight, he gives a young girl who has never owned a vehicle before a death-trap truck modified by an underage kid with no proper tools. Later she wants a night in, but he tries to insist she go out with Varsity sports guys who taunt her by ass-dancing at her in front of him (the local police-chief) because its a Friday night. Maybe mistaking her for a thirty-year-old spinster, rather than a minor in his care. Then during the moping over Edward scene in New Moon, we think he might be finally showing fatherly concern. No. What he is doing is saying "F&&K off back to your ma. I am out of steam and possibly beer"



7. Renee/Mom The Twilight Series

In no way can all of the blame be laid at the father. She has a mother, Renee (played by Sarah Clarke) who is raising a teenage girl from a broken marriage that she tossed in because she was bored with the small town and the dude she had picked. No matter a life had come out of it expecting to be nurtured. Nope. She drags baby Bella away from her natural father (not 100% sure he noticed though) and then decides to swap her back at the time in her life she needs a mother the most to go be a sports groupie. I am suspecting they only had her for future kidney-stock.



now who said that CGI was not going to retain artistic integrity?

6. Flowers

Now I think we are all aware of this one. The scene in Breaking Yawn Pt 2 when the recently changed Bella is running through the forest at super-top vamp speed. To exemplify this they show her observing the blossoming of a dandelion. Yet she is supposed to be going through fast, not slow, yet it shows she is there long enough to see the entire growth of a flower in super slo-mo. I truly, truly cannot believe that this and the mistake with the electric fan got past editing, post-production and test-audiences.


5. James Witherdale (The Tracker)

At the end of part one, she has somehow already escaped a telepathic vampire (Alice) and a two-century seasoned warrior (Jasper) to go be a martyr to James to save her mother, whom Bella falsely believes is held captive by James (played by Cam Gigandet) . We are told of James "He is the greatest tracker I have seen in my 300 years, unrivaled senses)" yet Edward, a vampire with minimal combat experience turns up, grabs him, without the sensory legend James picking up on his approach and kills him. Lickety-split.




4. Rosalie

Right, I am sorry, but gangs of rich thirty year olds do not hang out on busy street corners drinking and raping girls half to death. It was the laziest storytelling ever. Especially baffling as it had no real need to be in the story. Almost as if they had a "Stupid-Story-Saturday" where they drew lots for who had to try and segue the most implausible character back-story into it, and the winner also wrote Manga pornography


3. The Wolves

In every scene with the pack in phased form, they focus on specific wolves as if we know which one is which, they all look the same, it prats around with your concentration and is endemic of the ever-present difference between these and the Harry Potter series and a perfect example of why the spurious comparison is such an insult




2. Canteen Cullens

There is not a chance in Forks, that a group of any kids in any school anywhere, would get away with being sat at a table but never eating any food in the lunch room. Let alone a group of vampires that we are told dazzle and fascinate everybody. We all went to high school, if you see a popular kid have a new sandwich filling someone will start a rumour about it. If you never saw them eat anything it would get noticed by the time the next time Bella paused for breath.


1. Edward falling for Bella

He is a beautiful vampire who has women falling over themselves. She is a moody, sullen, unfashionable, boy-shaped, petulant brat. Okay she is not an un-pretty girl, although it appears she makes every attempt to be so. Plus, as if the rest were not enough, her constant self-deprecating compliment fishing is a total turn off.

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