In a new series from Nicely Put, "Bullet-Proof Movies", we are taking a look at films, stacking the failings (bullets) against the plus points (bandages). If a movie has more repair points than riddled points, it is bullet proof and enters the hall of fame. See?
So we are going to tackle a biggie: Avengers: Endgame. Goes without saying we are revealing plot points so SPOILER ALERT is the name of the game, and the game begins
They, after FIVE YEARS cannot collect refuse, one of the most vital services to prevent disease, but they can have sculpted and engraved parks of tombstones with the names of that many people on it
Reintroducing 4 billion people to an eco system and society that has had five years of engineered change will do more damage than the original snap
Clint & Nat even arguing. He would have a family, she is a duplicitous Russian murderess, who switches sides when it suits (the hangar in Civil War is where I lost love for her). No question she was the one to go. Although....
...Clint should be dead. He was not bullet-proof (!) and could not move faster than a bullet so he would have been killed, going after heavily armed gangsters in his weird Dexter-style vigilante crusade. Get a pistol dude. Those Japs knew he was coming so a sniper is all they need.
Howard Stark, a notoriously tough clearance-up-the-ass-having weapons magnate working on ultra top secret procedures would have let a strange-looking unbadged, nervous acting bloke go. Nah.
Pepper in the suit with the "game-face". Not needed, total pandering to sensibilities. An insult to the audience's intelligence. Plenty of strong female presence, if you need to make a poster out of it, you are missing the point. Probably Gwinny having a moan. Still say Rose Byrne would have been a better Pepper. Sorry, she has failed at every point. When Tony landed - zero chemistry. When Tony died, don't care about her, Peter was much more poignant. She has been pereipheral and irritating since IM2
Same as above with War Machine. Why is that guy in it?
Ending with Cap's love life returned. That oh-so-subtle scene where he finds himself in Peggy's office...OH YEAH! Sorry but I.....just don't care. Tony is gone. Fuck the Cap. Sorry but he was never of much interest. Too righteous, and too much of would-be smoothy. He seems to grow a pair in Infinity, but then he just becomes stage presence. Should have ended with Tony.
The pre-opening logo prompt: "Let's go get the son-of-a-bitch" was weak and A-Team. Then again, the Infinity War one was so awesome it was not gonna be toppled easily
Total of NINE Bullets
The opening with Clint and his family. Clever and heartbreaking.
Showing Thanos as brokendown and beatable. Sidestepping the audience for later happening. Marvel at its best
Giving Paul Rudd a main part. All for that. Guy's a gem.
Thor crying all the time and getting lairy at online gamers. Funny
That song playing as they drive into New Asgard. Love it
Tony's daughter. Redefining the realms of cute and adorable.
Losing the sceptre and getting it back with the "Hail Hydra" ploy. A cute little heist of a previous plot. Good stuff
Nebula playing paper-football with Tony: "This was fun". She is such a great addition. The Blue Meanie!
This film, finally commits the Avengers theme to the levels of Star Wars, Brief Encounter, Lawrence of Arabia, The Great Escape and Harry Potter. It is recognisable and awesome. Alan Silvestri adds himself the the list of cinematic score's greatest composer. Kamen, Williams, Elfman, and others. He contributed more that he is lauded for.
The poignancy of Tony's death and the funeral scene (adding the kid from IM3 was a cute touch)
Tony's speech. It had to be Tony and could only be Robert Downey Jnr
TOTAL OF 17 BANDAGES
So with a total of 9 bullets shot but 17 bandages applied we are pleased to officially name Avengers: Endgame, bulletproof. Seriously though. You had me at "Avengers! Assemble."