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New Jack City:Just ONE Question...

WHAT THE F*CK WAS THAT?!?!?


Okay, suspension of disbelief, I get it, but this film is just fucking ree-DICK-you -luss. You will all have your memories of it but here is why Nicely Put thinks it as one of the greatest pieces of utter shit ever made. Very entertaining but written by a blithering idiot.

  • Ice-T is one of the worst actors in the universe. He tries to play tough and it is brilliant. With such gems as “I’ll blow your bwainth out” and his ridiculous testimony in court “Can Michael Jordan slam dunk?” Why the judge didn’t have that stricken and tell him to answer the question properly. He is a parody of himself. Ice Cube also turned to acting but at least he could do it. Not great range but he did not openly suck giant donkey-dick, unlike his sub-zero brother.

  • The stupid storyline of Wesley Snipes being the murderer of Ice-T's' mother! Made even more terrible with the exposition scene on the rooftop: “I guess when you do something like that, it’s business, not personal.” He says it with an expression meant to portray controlled fury but just looks like someone trying to think of a word that rhymes with “purple”

  • A daylight murder of a man from a bridge. A witness screaming, boats, and nearby buildings watching. Criminal mastermind.

  • Chris Rock jacks Ice T and runs from him. He pursues through wasteground, deserted footbridge, and railyard (including a fall that would have killed them both) but this man paid to protect and serve waits until he is in a playground full of kids to shoot him.

  • Keisha! Yuck. A possible competitor to Ice T for terrible quality. “Yo Nino let me smoke this old dude,” “You better step off Graaaaaandpa’” and “Rockabah baby.” She is just horrible. She also has the worst gunfight tactics in the known universe. Run straight into the line of fire of an automatic machine gun.

  • The basketball court scene. Where to begin?

Kareem: “Yo Keesh, I SEEN that boy somewhere before”

Keisha: “Oh really”

Or…

G-Money: “Don’t forget what we talked about, I’m gonna be the next king remember”

They do not sound too bad when you read them but when you watch it the whole thing comes open. Terrible acting that should never have made it past place holder stages. Plus the subtle messages from the graffiti in the playground.

Where is that silver gun aiming and how is he holding it?

  • So. The court scene. Firstly, what the fuck is Kareem doing in the court? He was one of the drug gang investigated by Ice T so should be in on a conspiracy charge. Also, do the police arrest people on the say-so of a desperate man on trial. Surely Ice T could have discredited him straightaway.

  • In the Carter, why do they have all those computers? They are buying and selling crack, that’s it. If needed maybe one terminal but not an office full of them. Just no need.

  • Wesley Snipes is superb. He is convincing and owns the screen. Outclasses the hilariously bad co-stars at every turn

  • Did G-Money just say to himself one day: “Hmmm, I fancy some crack” and start hitting the pipe? Weird.

  • The Mafia. If a small, aggressive one-borough drug dealer decided to wipe out a flurry of made guys including a boss in 1980s NYC he would be hanging from a lamppost by teatime.

  • Happy he is going to jail for a year after giving up the Peruvian dealers? Yeah because snitches whose gang are now all dead, that are also wanted by the Mafia are going to last a year inside! South American gangs are notoriously forgiving after all.

  • Have to say, after the tv-movie level plot devices, the ending is a real gem. I never saw that one coming at all.

  • Why does Nino go to the drug buy with Washington himself? Why would he ever need to?

  • Why would they not be suspicious of someone being able to sell the narcotics they need 50% cheaper. Immediate alarm bells.

  • Why is Nino, a major drug dealer in probably the city that consumes the most cocaine in the world, only buying a tiny little suitcase worth from Washington? Someone of his level should be dealing in half-tonnes and maybe more.

We could pick at it all day. It has some great moments, some great lines ("SIT your five dollar ass down before I make change") but they were all Wesley Snipes. Ice T was fucking embarrassing from his absurd first scene to the sunglasses on and he walks out (leaving the scene of a homicide) and I wonder just how great this could have been with a real actor?

The cornerstones of Chris Rock and Mr. Snipes deserved better.

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